It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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