Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize