they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
