It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
