I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
