I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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