At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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