Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
