dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
