I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
