Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
