just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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