Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
