Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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