she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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