This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
