If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just tell him i said nine months
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
