i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Are we still banned from the library?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
