Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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