New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
