i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
