Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Randomize
