absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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