dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
