My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
