wrigley field is MILF paradise
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
