You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
