just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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