I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need to sanitize my soul.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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