I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
