I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
