After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
