just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
