Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
