Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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