Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
