Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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