I cut my penus on the lid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize