oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
