I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
