just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
