My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
