i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You may now shotgun with the bride
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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