im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
