Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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