I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
