I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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