I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
