Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize