R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
