I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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