This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
