so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's never too late to be topless.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
