just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
