i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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