just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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