I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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