Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
