I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So. Much. Porn.
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