Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
