Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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