never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
