Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This baby is an asshole
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
