sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
