Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
