i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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