found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
