I can text with my tongue
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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