Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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