I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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