Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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